Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
