I'm going to jail i love you
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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