Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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