Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
