Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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