You're so nebulous sometimes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I need a burrito and a hug.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
