I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
