you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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