So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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