when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
