Have you finally orgasmed yet?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize