so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
