Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
