Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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