Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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