if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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