rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
