She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
