My room smells like vodka and shame
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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