I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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