I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
