Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
