I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
