Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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