Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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