well I can't set my house on fire every night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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