i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
