Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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