You can't motorboat a personality
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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