hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
