I hate your face
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
