I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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