my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
