Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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