scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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