I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
