ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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