why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
