Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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