i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
