btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
