You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
