you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
