my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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