You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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