She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
