How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
