you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
