it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
