my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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