it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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