There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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