I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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