wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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