In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize