haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
