You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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