I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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