Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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