Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
