I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
