yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
