no, he came in my armpit
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
