how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
