I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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