I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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