Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
