I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
