cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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