am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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