one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
