i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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