After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All I want is dick and wine.
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