2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
