He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
