I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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