We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
